March 1: Our Family Rubric

Raising kids is easily the toughest job I've ever had to do. I think what makes it so tough for most parents is there's so much at stake. I give 100%+ every day to my employer, but if I screw something up, the end result is likely not going to matter 6 months down the road. But, parenting...mistakes now can lead to bigger issues 6 months down the road. Thus, in our minds, the margin for error in raising children is extremely minimal yet increasingly vital. Take my kids, for example. Great kids. Sweet kids. They're helpful, thoughtful, kind and courteous....most of the time. Like most kids, they've gone in and out of various changes in behavior. I'm not sure what you call the stage each of them is currently in, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's a brief one. Talking back, mocking, rolling their eyes, refusing to listen, and demanding things are just a highlight of some of their recent antics. So, like most parents, my wife and I had to figure out the best way to address this behavior, police it and get it under wraps before it gets too far out of hand. In my daughter's school, they use what they call a rubric. In simplest terms, a rubric is performance criteria. To build on that, it's criteria or standards that we establish that allow us to evaluate one's performance. In the school's case, the rubric lists the undesirable behavior and the consequence for committing such an infraction once, twice and, for some, three times. The theory is that it helps kids understand the seriousness of their behavior. I'm not sure I completely buy that theory, but my daughter seems to buy it as a student in the school, and we were thinking she might encourage her brother's buy in, as well. So, this evening, we gathered as a family, and developed our own Family Rubric. We went around the room, one-by-one, each of us suggesting a behavior to monitor, upon which the group then voted as to whether or not it would make the final rubric cut. Those with a majority edge went into the rubric, the others were tossed to the side. We followed a similar process in deciding a fair consequence for violation of each behavior. Finally, we ensured that all family members understood the commitment that he or she was making by taking this unsworn oath to abide by our new family "policies", as they pertain to appropriate behavior. As of Day 1, the whole family seems pleased with what we've worked together to create. Day 2, however, should provide a lot more insight; especially when the kids realize that, yes, we are in fact enforcing the consequences for unacceptable behavior. That should be interesting.